Saturday, December 30, 2006

Microsoft Windows Defender

Everyone hates the "Windows Genuine Advantage Tool" that doesn't let people with blocked, banned or duplicate CD Keys to install Microsoft products such as Windows Defender or Windows Live OneCare, however this can be avoided and you can get yourself an install package of Windows Defender without validating at all.

All you have to do is go to the backdoor link that Microsoft has so kindly left open on their website:
This will download Windows Defender direct from the Microsoft website. Once the download is complete you will notice, when you run the program that during installation there is another layer of Microsoft Genuine Advantage Validation to verify whether the Windows in which the Windows Defender is going to be installed is genuine or not. However, you can still install Windows Defender final version by using the similar trick and crack that was used to install Windows Defender Betas to bypass and disable genuine Windows validation test (WGA process) or quiet mode (silent install without any user interaction) feature of Windows Defender.

To silently install the Windows Defender without any user interaction, just append this switch: -qr to the Windows Defender setup command in Run of Start Menu or command prompt. The r switch option will run the Defender setup in reduced UI (user interface) mode, eliminating any need to validate Windows.

Download Windows Defender from the above link, and save it to a convenient location (for example below, I used the C:\ drive).
  1. Go to Start > Run.
  2. Key in the full path to your Windows Defender setup file including the name of the setup file (e.g. C:\WindowsDefender.msi if the MSI installer is located in C:\ drive).
  3. Append and add the -qr to the end of the line. The complete command will look like this: C:\WindowsDefender.msi -qr (or if the location of WindowsDefender.msi has spaces in it's name or path then you may wish to include it in quotation marks: "C:\WindowsDefender.msi" -qr.
  4. Press Enter or Click OK.
  5. Wait for Windows Defender installation to complete.
Works perfectly, use how you wish!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Review: Neverwinter Nights 2

As many of you may already know I recently obtained my own copy of Neverwinter Nights 2 for Christmas. The dynamic storyline and new races/classes make the game very entertaining as once you have completed it from a combination of say Human Warlock, you can then follow the whole story again but with a different combination. The story would, of course get repetitive and you would start to remember things, so that is why there is also a Multiplayer as well as Single Player, where you can play in persistent worlds (that is a world where the game's plots and events continue to develop even while some of the players are not playing their character), player versus player arenas and other stories that people have created for your leisure.

With that in mind it can be a very good game, although some aspects of it can be rather annoying. For example, the Graphical User Interface of the game is not what I thought it would be, in my opinion it actually looks like it is one step behind the first Neverwinter Nights. It just seems like they paid a lot more detail and attention to the graphics of the environment of the game and not the user interface, this is normally a good thing - but a role-playing game is one where the user interface is pasted all over the game frame (the game frame being the main box as it were - basically showing the world, your character, non-playable characters and other players) so the user interface is what you are going to be seeing nearly all the time.

I currently play as a Warlock, the kills are quick and painless because the Warlock can deal a major amount of damage in a short casting fire blast, the damage is hard to understand as it is all written as "2d8" and "1d10" where as World of Warcraft is "31.8 damage per second" and "69 - 121 Damage" which is easier to read, because that is pure hit-point damage. A few things are still lacking in Neverwinter Nights though, the quests are still vague and not as easy to follow as World of Warcraft, they do not have a summarization or objectives instead they have a paragraph or more telling you what to do and where to find the place, person or object.

However, every game has its pros and cons, so don't let that put you off. Normally if some aspects are lacking then others will be overloading (unless of course it is a crap game all together, and I shan't be naming them at the moment). The graphics on new games and looking more and more realistic, and that is exactly what Bioware have done and are doing. Now a day we expect real-time graphics and extensive game play due to the new and ever-changing technology available to us. Neverwinter Nights 2 needs one hell of a computer to run on, basically meaning that it does not run on an NVIDIA GeForce4™ MX 440 (128mb) graphics card - which is the one I currently have on my computer after my ATI Radeon™ X1600 Pro (512mb) went "pop" - and even struggles to render on an NVIDIA GeForce™ 6200 (256mb) - with the graphics options set to low!

I have always liked games with editors, so that you can create your own worlds, dungeons, arenas, maps and what have you, it can brighten your spirit if you place piles of attackable non-playable characters, make yourself really strong at the first level by creating extreme weapons with every enchant you can possible have and zap them all in one hit! Neverwinter Nights has always had a Toolset where you can do just that, you can create modules and maps just as if you were the developers of the game, you are able to create your own adventures to play with your friends online or make your on story and upload it somewhere for others to complete. With the new and improved Toolset, by Obsidian you can do even more, it has been made more like a programming language builder (e.g. Mircosoft Visual C++) so the creating of items, scripts, conversations, objects and so on are a little more advanced and getting used to what is what would probably be necessary. In the old Neverwinter Nights Toolset all of the items and objects parts were shown with an image, these images do not seem to be available for viewing in the newer Toolset, meaning that you will have to change a few things and then switch to preview mode to preview the item/object then back to the properties of it to change it again, which isn't all fun and games.

Enjoy it if you buy and don't be too disappointed with the user interface and/or toolset provided.

Total Score: 9.4

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Hacker Hire to Change College GPA

This idiot tried to hire a hacker to change his college GPAs, not sure whether this is real or not, but it is a very good read nonetheless. In my opinion the hacker makes up the last 2 emails he sent (starting from the bottom of the first page), if this is true it would make it even more funny because Todd is believing every word of it.

This Todd character must either think he can get away with stuff like that or is just plain stupid, someone is bound to find out even if the whole thing went ahead and the grades were changed.
Attrition Going Postal - Todd Shriber

Enjoy the read and don't forget to Digg it and let me know what you thought.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

World of Warcraft: Before the Storm [Patch 2.0.1]

Woohooo! World of Warcraft is getting ready for The Burning Crusade expansion pack. The new patch was installed over night and continued into the early hours of this morning, then all hell broke loose, the servers filled up as quick as possible and the channels where spammed with: "Where can I join the arena?!". It seems that Blizzard has removed the arena battlemaster until further notice due to some last minute issues.

There was a major server crash. Yep, that is right everyone experienced a weird crash or lag spike, where no-one could interact with the world, but they could still chat in the channels. Seems they buggered up the install. Oh and, never stand in starting zones or major cities when a new large-scale patch is released, you will get people spamming the General channel, running around screaming and generally asking some things that could otherwise be found out by reading the patch notes.

Anyway, now I really can't wait until The Burning Crusade release! Going to go play and see whether the lag has cleared up.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Internet Explorer

Had to make some changes to my blog today because some things were messed up, added a new translation bar on the right. Made the comments and "send this post" image float on the right of the post footer.

Some minor problems occur with the translation, because Google thinks it is clever it tries to translate every page that this blog links too, but of course that causes some errors because you won't then be able to swap between languages, you will have to press "View Original Web Page" on the Google frame at the top, or re-type the blogs URL manually. May have to remove or remake it later.

Internet Explorer 6 (or lower) users may find some issues with both of these edits, but frankly all Internet Explorer users should find an alternative browser, because Internet Explorer just plain sucks. Not sure whether Internet Explorer 7 shows it correctly, but you will find out soon enough.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

World of Warcraft: Gold Guide

Okay, so I am writing a World of Warcraft Gold Guide, for legal and legitimate ways to earn easy gold in World of Warcraft, the guide should be complete soon, but I wouldn't count on it being out before Christmas, I am just too busy!

Anyway, I can give you all a sneak preview of a part or two of it, so that you know what you are looking forward to.
Page 1, paragraph 4.

During your World of Warcraft experience, you are going to be tempted to blow your money on low-level items from the Auction House or vendors. These items will, in a few levels time, be replaced with quest rewards, drops or will no longer be worth the money for your level. In my opinion I would wait until at least level 40 before you start buying any new items, there are many other ways to get your character some good gear for these levels most of them can be obtained from instances and quests.

Page 1, paragraph 6.

Right from the beginning of the game up until the very end you should loot everything you find, inclusive of grey quality items and things that you think are just plain vendor junk. I say this because many of the vendor junk items can be sold for a fair amount of silver, adding to your income.

It currently consists of 2 pages (that is of Courier New size 10 text) to which I am hoping to add at least 3 more. I will notify you of the release and when you can download it. The guide will be free of charge, but you may be encouraged to send a small donation to me so that I may carry on adding to it.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Graphics Card

Well, I was in the middle of a game of World of Warcraft (as usual) the other day, when my screen went blank and displayed, "RGB No Input Signal", I just thought that the cable had been disconnected or that I had hit the off switch, but that was all snug. I then restarted the computer and the screen regained conciousness, so I thought nothing more of it, until I started World of Warcraft again, and as soon as the game opened into full screen (after pressing Play) the screen did exactly the same.

I again, checked the cables, restarted and this time did not load anything, I waited around 1 minute and the screen went dead. I bellowed "What ever the hell is going on?!" I suddenly had a brain surge, "It could be my Graphics Card!" That may actually be it I thought as I ripped my computer apart, took out the Graphics Card and inserted a Nvidia GeForce MX 440 as a replacement. That did it! My old Sapphire Radeon X1600 Pro card had packed up after only 8 months of hardcore gaming (yeah, okay that is exaggeration, but I have only had it 8 months) the most annoying this is that I probably have not kept the receipt, so that means that I cannot get it replaced or pay the difference on a new one, I would have to pay full price! Damn.

Basically this means that now I have to put up with a Graphics Card that gives me around 15-30 frames per second where as I am used to at least 50. Seems I will have to live with it until after Christmas, when I may be getting a new Dual Core motherboard, Nvidia Graphics Card and a high-speed, high-space hard-drive.

Post number 50!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Bull3t in Beta!

Wahay! Finally I have moved Bull3t's Blog to Blogger Beta, new features here I come. Maybe now, if I can find the time I can start posting more, I have also stopped using Flock, so you won't see so many technorati tags anymore. Also I shall be using the new Labels feature to Blogger in Beta as categories for my posts!

Anyway, enough about Blogger in Beta. I have recently viewed the video for the Microsoft Office 2007 suite and realised that it doesn't seem to be that newcomer-friendly, yes The Ribbon replaced menus and toolbars with one, easy place to find all of the commands you need, but is it really that easy? What ever happened to all the menu bars, were they not easier for newcomers to navigate? There are some very nice features that have been added, but I am not sure that newcomers would find this all as easy as it seems.

Well, that will have to do for now as I have to go and do some other stuff...

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Dieing? Never!

Well... That depends entirely on what you think is dieing. No, my blog is not dieing, it is just not as active as it used to be, solely due to the fact that I am less active on the PC and more active elsewhere. Yes, my internet is dieing, don't know why, don't know how, but it is! It seems to be going really slow and yet says that it is running at 100Mbps, which it obviously isn't. I have NTL 1 Meg Broadband and they have just recently upgraded their digital television boxes, so it could be something to do with that, but I am not sure.

I am still waiting for Blogger to be able to allow me to merge my own blog into Blogger Beta, which they said they would be slowly allowing people to do, along time ago now, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this slow. Maybe when I am able to do that I will start posting more, but I doubt that merging with Blogger Beta will give me anymore time.

Anyway, I have nothing else to say, as you can tell, this is why my blog is not as active, I have already said that I will try and post more, but I just don’t really have the time that I used to, what with school and friends.

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Monday, September 04, 2006

Long Time No Post

Ok, so it has been a long time since I have posted, I know. I haven't posted here, on forums or anywhere for that matter for a little while now, all because of one game, World of Warcraft.

So what happened was I started to play my old Warrior and got him up a level, then got bored again, but instead of not playing I decided to create a new character, a Rogue this time and I got involved in the ways of World of Warcraft once again, if I had known about all this tanking stuff with Warriors I would never have chosen a Warrior as my first character. I find Rogues allot more fun to play and I can play them more effectively than I can Warriors.

My Warrior is not quite high enough to be able to "twink" my Rogue, as it is now so famously or should I say infamously called, not that I would want to anyway. I just find it fun to play a character from scratch with not much help at all from other characters that you own.

I will try to start posting again and maybe create something new, until then I will probably not be as active as I used to be.

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Friday, August 18, 2006

Blogger Migration

Blogger are now starting the migration process, so that you may transfer your current account and blogs over to the Beta Blogger. They have decided to let people migrate in an incremental way, so as not to create a massive mad rush. If you are one of them, you will see a blue box in the sidebar of your Dashboard. The only down side to the migration would be that you have to convert your Blogger account into a Google account, or log into your current Google account and have that one converted.

Hopefully they will make it so that you can login with both your Google account and your Blogger account, to make it easier. For now, once you have switched, you must log into instead of to access the new features.

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Blogger Beta

Yes, that's right the famous Blogger, weblog publisher has started a new beta phase! With a more-user friendly atmosphere, by making it easier to edit your page template, being able to make your blog private, adding new templates, adding more feed options, updating the Dashboard and no-wait instant publishing! You can create a blog with the current beta, once the beta phase has ended all blogs will be merged into the newer version.

Along with the new features, settings and options, Bloggers own API has changed to a Google Data API, which means there is loads of sample code, downloadable client libraries for C# and Java, authentication is fully documented, and you can swap and change between other GData applications, such as Calendar.

It is just a shame that Visual Basic is not included in the libraries and source. Nevermind, now all we have to do is wait for the beta to become the new Blogger!

If you would like to see my test blog, which to be honest is nothing, because most of the change is behind the scenes, for the admin of the blog, then feel free to visit;

Happy blogging, fellow bloggers!

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Sunday, August 13, 2006

New Portfolio

Okay, so Squarespace is only a trial, which I didn't know when I first signed up for it, but after I found out I had 4 days to create myself a new portfolio and host it elsewhere. I started by opening Photoshop and sketching out a few ideas, I fiddled around with the colours pallette and came up with a 4 nice colours that looked good together. The 4 colours are as follows:

  • Dark Grey [3d3d3d]
  • Light Grey [595959]
  • Light Blue [4f79a5]
  • White [ffffff]

The two grey colours were chosen from my old Squarespace account and so was the layout, the journal footer was taken from this blog and the Windows logo and the exclamation mark icon were from a PNG icon pack but everything else I did myself. First of all I created a new document, 800x600, filled it with the dark grey and created a fixed selection in the middle, filled it with the lighted grey. Added the title with the Fonce Sans font from deviantART, coloured the title and added in the Verdana font my quote, underneath the title. Then I typed "welcome" and "content" in Fonce Sans, then "Navigation", "About" and "Journal Navigation" in Verdana, added the exclamation mark and the Windows icon, typed some text next to the exclamation mark. Added some finishing touches, then used the slice tool to slice up parts that needed slicing, saved it for web and started to code it in CSS and HTML.

I uploaded it to my ntlworld webspace, yesterday and registered a domain name for it,! This is now where I keep my gallery, tutorials, about me and more. Enjoy!

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Saturday, August 12, 2006

Spam Mail

Everyone gets spam/junk mail once in a while, whether it be a random email from someone you don't know, or a repetitive message from a changing email address offering to sell you Viagra. We all get them, one of my email accounts get them so bad that I had to delete the damn thing, even now with it deleted it is still being sent endless emails. So anyone that creates an email address with the name of "" will get spammed, and yet it is a fresh email address, to them atleast.

I created another email in place of that one, which I now use as my secondary. My main email however, is also starting to get spammed, by so-called "traders" offering me to buy things from them and then sell them on.

One email that stands out, I thought was rather strange, it was sent from "BrentMcguire <>" to "", to start with the address that it has been sent to does not match mine, yes mine is an NTL email address, but the prefix is not "bulldog009" so I don't know how I received that. The image inside the email is as follows:

After the email there is some text that reads:

Lots of people make a huge mistake by not focusing on this very stock.

Good luck to you � and remember that luck favors the prepared!

After that is more text which looks like a weird jumbled up story:

afraid and sad and sorry, terribly sorry.for food. But now and then, just for a moment, he remembered. The key, he thought at last, dripping wet, must be to hold the wingsmochi woodordnance sergeantmicrometer caliperpaint drieroak-crestedN electronstand what bastard could have squealed.up again and taken him to another broad, and in a week he would have been as
He was alive, trembling ever so slightly with delight, proud that hisinvisible principle of all life. Then, as he spoke, his feathers wentmoon-glitteringopen-facepalm cabbagenoble-featuredosmund furnaceoff sideright there, under their very windows. Finally they had a bright idea: they1. REDRICK SCHUHART, AGE 23,
\name. Look it up in Stetson's History of the Visitation --it's described innew-arrayorgan stoppaper hangingnet incomeparadise nutorgan beaterstalking. Thanks to you, captain, my eyes were opened. If it hadn't been forpoker--that Noonan is a great player, the louse."
how to turn.natural-bornmeter-millimeterpalmer flynarrow-facedcare, nothing was going to hurt it here. Then old Tender broke. We hadn'tWe were in the Zone! I felt a chill. Each time I feel that chill. And ITender? He does have two kids, after all."
struggling gamely at his left. Then the whole formation rolled slowly toshould be no limits. "Very well, Fletcher. Remember what we were saying about one's bodyox-footne exeatpaint mixergentle way. I just got up, brushed myself off, and looked around. There were "What's with you and my back?" he asked.

The funny thing is about these emails is that there is no hyperlink, so I can't buy it even if I wanted to.

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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Sony Bravia Television Advert

The first Sony Bravia Television Advert with the 250,000 "superballs" I thought was amazing, but now on a Glasgow tower block another amazing Sony event is about to take place, this time with 70,000 litres of paint!

The empty multi-storey high rise in Queen’s Court, Toryglen, will have thousands of gallons of paint blasted across it by fireworks as part of a multi-million pound campaign for Sony’s high definition Bravia LCD TV.

The advert has already been filmed, and we are awaiting release, they used:

  • 70,000 litres of paint
  • 358 single bottle bombs
  • 33 sextuple air cluster bombs
  • 22 Triple hung cluster bombs
  • 268 mortars
  • 33 Triple Mortars
  • 22 Double mortars
  • 358 meters of weld
  • 330 meters of steel pipe
  • 57 km of copper wire
I posted, on the Bravia Advert website the following comment:
First the 250,000 "superballs" and now this 70,000 litres of paint! This will surely make Sony be remembered, not only by its unique extravagant adverts, but by it's colour!

Two very good choices to portray the colour, I hope to see more adverts! Fancy that, I am actually looking forward to adverts for once, rather than cursing at the television set and changing channel!

It is true, I actually can't wait for an advert to be released. Tell me what you think.

My PSP Console, arrived today at 8:45 in the morning, which I wasn't expecting, I thought that it would come around 11:00, but instead they decided to deliver it as soon as possible. Anyway, it is charging at the moment and I will be able to play it within the next hour or two, I am quite pleased that it arrived early as otherwise I would have been moaning all the time up until it arrived.

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

PSP Console

So I have purchased my PSP and it will arrive within the next day or two. I haven't yet purchased the game of my choice as if I were to do so online I would be unable to use my £15 Gift Card. The current status of my shipment is as follows:

Your order has been dispatched on: 08/08/2006 15:39:28

I got it from Game and was told that the delivery would be immediate, meaning that they have it instock, but I doubt that it will arrive today. I will tell you all what it is like when it arrives!

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Monday, August 07, 2006

Blog Active Again

So, I am back from camping and my blog is active again! After not posting for a while, I have lots of catching up to do. I will start by telling you how to 'hack' a snooker table, which funnily enough I learnt at my camp site.

I found out how to 'hack' a pool table, when after I had paid for a game it chucked out 2 black balls and not enough reds, so I stuck my hand up the ball shoot and pulled out the red! At first I didn't think that it would work, but you can see your hand through the plastic at the front. Anyway, after we had finished the game, I put my hand back up the shoot and pushed down the metal release bar, which drops the balls after you have paid. All the balls fall out and you have yourself a free snooker game!

The only problem is that this only works on certain types of tables, the ball shoot and ball holder/container must be on the same side and there must be a bar of some sort that can be pushed down. The table I played on was a Superleague Pool Table, but there are many different Superleague tables and I can't find a picture.

I can also use a SMARTlaunch Cyber Cafe without paying, if the admin has not changed the default username and password to access the admin settings and login as guest. But most of the time the admin has changed that setting, unless you are at a Cyber Cafe like the campsite I was at, where no-one knows what to do, to set up the damn thing.
  1. Press the "Esc." key at the login screen of the SMARTlaunch program.
  2. Type "admin" as the username and password.
  3. Press the "Login" button.
  4. Change to the "Users" tab.
  5. Press the "Login as guest" button.
  6. Hit "OK" and let it log you in to the guest account!

Anyway, enough telling you little tricks. Time to tell you what I am planning on doing with some of my hard earned cash!

What would you say if I were to tell you that I am about to spend £225 [$426] on a PSP Console? You would say that it is stupid money, right? Well what if I were to say that I get two free games with it? Still stupid money? Okay, then two free games, a White PSP Value Pack and a £30 game for £225, so that would include the following:

  • Ceramic White Playstation Portable (PSP)
  • AC Adapter
  • Battery Pack
  • Headphones with Remote Control
  • Memory Stick Duo [32MB]
  • Wrist Strap
  • Pouch
  • Cloth
  • UMD Software
  • Printed materials

  • Ace Escape P
  • The Sims 2

  • All with a game worth £30 of my choice.
What would you say to that? Considering I have a £15 Gift Card and another £20 being paid towards it, by someone else, I would think that, that isn't such a bad deal after all!

Now that is what I call catching up! Hope you enjoyed reading the post as much as I enjoyed writing it!

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Friday, July 28, 2006


I will be on holiday (or vacation for all you American folks), camping for two weeks so I won't be online or posting for atleast two weeks. So don't expect me around, just thought I would let you know incase you got worried. I don't think anyone will miss me too much, but I had to tell you.

Anyway, I will see you all when I get back and am able to post, bye!

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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Blogger FTP IOException Error

Okay, I was fiddling around with Blogger today and created a new blog to test some things on, I saw that Blogger has the feature to publish and upload your blog to another host through FTP. So I tapped in my ntl account information and pressed Save Settings, it saved correctly, and all was well until...

I pressed Publish to upload it and Blogger said the following:

There were errors.
001 EOF while reading from control connection.

So I typed "001 EOF while reading from control connection." into Google and found that it means there is a problem on Blogger, go do something important and fiddle with it later.

The following FAQ created by Alan, should help you:

  • It's a generic error that blogger spits out when someone trips over a cable.
  • There is nothing you can do to fix it at your end so go rant at Blogger.
  • I highly recommend just saving your post to a text file and trying again several hours later, or even the next day.

So that is two things that are annoying when posting to Blogger, this FTP problem and something crappy with Flock Blog feature. With Flock when you publish a post through the Blog feature it adds random "<font>" and "</span>" tags to the source code, which of course in Internet Explorer looks absolutely crap.

It's a wonderful life!

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006


I was bored again today, but this time went in search of some flash games that I could play. I went to Miniclip and found Motherload which I thought was rather fun, it had been made by XGen Studios, so I visited their website and found the game on that. When you play on XGen, it gives you the opportunity to create an account and save your game, Miniclip also gave you the choice to save your game, but it would be saved as data on your PC, which would be deleted after a certain amount of time.

On XGen however, your data is stored on a server, which can be accessed at any time, this should prevent data loss and make the game more fun to play. Also XGen has the latest version of the game which is allot more advanced.

Gameplay: The aim of the game is to control your pod to dig underground for minerals, then sell the minerals for money which you can spend on pod upgrades, such as faster engines, larger fuel tanks, larger cargo bays and better drills. This in turn makes it easier to retrieve the minerals and get more money.

Motherload; The game that takes you under the surface of arcade-style gaming and into the roots of fun. Tipping the hat to old favorites such as Dig Dug and Boulder Dash, Motherload incorporates a modern interface, fast-paced gameplay, and an in-depth storyline. Innovative use of flash allows for a dynamic and exciting gameplay in the substrata of Mars, where you'll search for the Motherload; A fabled cache of rare and valuable minerals.

Experience the dangers of Martian soil, complete with hidden gas pockets, earthquakes, and other surprises. Purchase powerful upgrades for your Mining Pod with the fruits of your labour. Compare high scores with friends to see who the champion really is. When you've finished the game, challenge more difficult gameplay modes.

Motherload; A true spectacle of the powerful potential of Flash gaming.

If you too would like to play the game then visit:

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Monday, July 24, 2006

MySpace Users Get MyMalware

MySpace users who expressed an interest in patio furniture got more than they bargained for if they clicked on an ad for earlier this month.

Michael La Pilla, an analyst for VeriSign iDefense, was searching MySpace on July 16 when he discovered that a patio furniture ad prompted a file called exp.wmf. If installed, up to five adware programs could have landed on the users' computers. La Pilla contacted MySpace but the company's defense team had already taken the ad down and was working to find its source.

Any user that was browsing with Internet Explorer and had not installed the latest Microsoft patches was vulnerable to this attack. In January, Microsoft released a patch that prevents WMF (Windows Metafile) files, so users that had installed the patch were safe. Browsers using Firefox version 1.5 or later are also protected from WMF files.

iDefense estimates that the ad was served to MySpace, Webshots, and possibly Facebook, installing the malware on 1.07 million computers.

MySpace executives were not available for comment, but Hemanshu Nigam, chief security officer for MySpace, issued the following statement:

"This is a criminal act. This ad is being delivered by ad networks who distribute these ads to over a thousand sites across the Internet in addition to ours. We are working to have these ad networks remove this ad so that they do not appear on our site. At the same time we strongly urge all Internet users to follow basic Internet security practices such as running the latest version of the Windows operating system, installing the latest Windows security patches, and running the latest anti-spyware and anti-adware software. If users have applied the simple patch available from, they will not be vulnerable to this criminal act."

MySpace, which is owned by News Corporation, has a full-time ad staff but they apparently failed to check the authenticity of the deck ad. Ralph Thomas, a senior analyst for iDefense, says that this incidence will force them to put a little more effort into content control.

"It was delivered through their page so it was sort of their responsibility even though they are not the originator of content," Thomas said. "It's not necessarily a MySpace problem other than relying on a party that served up these ads."

But MySpace doesn't want to be known as the social networking site with the dangerous ads that could render a user's entire computer unusable. Thomas said he has seen forum postings in which users were infected by this adware and had to completely reinstall their operating system.

"Even though we found only adware, there is always the potential that there is malware included in all the files that are being downloaded because the files that are being downloaded can change at any time," Thomas said. "There is always the potential that it was malware at an earlier point or it could be malware at a later point. The computer could be so compromised that it could be unusable so reinstallation of the operating system might be the only safe thing to do."

News from PC Magazine: MySpace Users Get MyMalware

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006


This is my first post with the Flock broswer, which I feel is a copy of Firefox but more advanced and with allot more features, such as Blogging. Also I will now be adding tags to the bottom of each post, so that my blog is indexed more in search engines and so that you can easily search my blog.

Someone on MPGH today linked to It's A Wonderful Internet, which is basically a little flash pop-out book created by Ant Farm Interactive. This lead me to think about many questions that I had not thought about before, such as, "Who made the first website?", "Who was the first Internet Provider?" and most importantly, "Who actually did make the Internet, or come up with the idea?".

So I used my old friend Google and typed in "first ever website", it come back with a number of results one of which I think is rather interesting that is Guardian Unlimited Notes and Queries, this website allows users to submit their own answer to the question, "Who put up the first website?", tell me what you think.

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Malware Search Engine Powered By Google

Google API used to search for Malware.

Metasploit has designed a vertical search engine using the Google API to search specifically for malware. The search engine can be found here.

Ryan Naraine at eWeek has an excellent write up on how the engine works, describing that the search engine has been coded with 300 malware signatures with hopes to increase that to 6,000. The engine then searches the web according to Google and finds executable files that match those signatures.

Steven Bryant from Google Watch notes that Metasploit changed the logo to "censored" after possibly receiving a cease and desist letter from Google.

Looks to me that Metasploit is having fun with this, maybe Google complained to Metasploit about the colour and style of title that he used. But it is funny, nonetheless.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Website ID Card Tutorial

Second tutorial, after tutorial display makeover, this time telling you how to make a simple Website ID Card.

Resource Pack: None

Authors Notes: No brushes, only a render, text and the Rounded Rectangle Tool are used.

Tutorial: View

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Squarespace and Blogger

Yesterday, I was casually browsing the internet and stumbled across a new blogging system, known as Squarespace. If I hadn't already created a Blog here already, I would seriously have thought about creating one on Squarespace as it isn't only a Blog, but a easy-to-edit website, from which you can add pages, image galleries, journals, guestbooks, discussions and many more! It is a lot more advanced and visual than Blogger. At this current moment I am going to be using it as my Portfolio, containing my digital images, tutorials, files and much more. With it's sophisticated site structuring, unique flexible templates and intuitive site editing controls, it really does beat Blogger!

  • Professional Designs
  • On-Site Editing
  • Automatic Site Structuring
  • Multiple Ways to Edit
  • Dynamic Layouts
  • Optimized for Readership
  • Site Dashboard
  • Journal Entry References / Trackback Support
  • Powerful Blogging Options
  • Podcasting Support
  • Industrial Anti-Spam
  • Printable Articles, Email Article Links
  • Subscribe to Changes
  • Clean URLs
  • Secure Member Areas
  • XML Syndication
  • Full XHTML/CSS Layouts
  • Movable Type Importing
  • Multiple Editors
  • Transparent Domain Mapping
  • One Step Publishing
  • Integrated Access Log
  • One Click Login
  • Advanced Spell Checking
  • Integrated Support
  • Smart Log Analysis
  • XML Backups
  • view features list...

  • Squarespace isn't as supported as Blogger.
  • Squarespace does not have many third party publishers.
  • Squarespace cannot transfer posts from other Blogging systems.
Visit My Squarespace

Monday, July 10, 2006

Firefox Version 2.0 Beta Candidate

The browser wars are heating up, as the first beta of Firefox 2.0 is due on Tuesday July 11th, and Internet Explorer version 7.0 is now on it's third beta release.
PC Magazine says. Firefox fans have the chance to download this before tuesday and get ahead of the game! The candidate has been found lurking around the Mozilla FTP site. It is finally feature complete although not ready for mass consumption.

New features include:
  • Anti-Phishing
  • Spellchecker
  • Feed Reader
  • Password Storing Exceptions
  • Secrurity Warnings
The interface stays the same, which doesn't fix some minor display errors on some PC's with different display settings such as font, font size and so on. This is openly shown in the Options window for example; view image to the right.

You can download the Windows release candidate of Firefox 2.0 Beta 1 directly, along with Mac and Linux versions, but beware. It will overwrite your existing themes, and render existing extensions unusable. A "portable" version of Firefox 2.0 that will let you try without affecting your existing Firefox setup has also been made available.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

rustGrunge Avatar Tutorial

Created a tutorial today on how to create my newest avatar, posted yesterday!

Resource Pack: Download

Authors Notes: This tutorial assumes you have a basic knowledge of the Photoshop features, brusing and text. All the resources you need should be in a ZIP format, posted with the tutorial!

Tutorial: View

Saturday, July 08, 2006

New Avatar

Got bored, so decided to create a quick and simple avatar, using Rust'n'Grunge brushes.

Total Layers: 13
Total Colour Balance Layers: 4
Total Brush Layers: 7

Brushes: "r06_rustNgrunge" deviantART
Font: "Visitor -BRK-" daFont

Comments and Criticism welcome!

Friday, July 07, 2006

The Complete US & UK Confusions

I thought that this may amuse some of you, so I posted it for all to see.
- by D J Barton, University of Durham, Durham, UK

1) Buns. You know what these are. You're probably sitting on them now. Over here buns are either bread or cake rolls. Asking for a couple of sticky buns in a bakery here will mean Mr Crusty the baker will give you two cake buns with icing (frosting) on the top. If I went into a deli in Manhattan and asked for a couple of sticky buns I'd probably get arrested ...

2) Fag. A goody but an oldie. Over here a 'fag' is a cigarette. So in the song 'It's a long way to Tipperary' the line 'As long as you have a Lucifer to light your fag' is not a fundamentalist Christian's statement that all homosexuals will burn for eternity in hell, but saying that 'if you always have a match to light your cigarette ...'

3) Faggots. Meat balls made from offal (chopped liver) in gravy. Also a small bundle of logs suitable to burn on a fire.

4) Pants. You call pants what we call trousers; pants are the things that go underneath.

5) Rubber. In this country a pencil eraser. Don't be shocked if the mild mannered new Englishman in your office asks for a pencil with a rubber on the end. Especially when he says that he enjoys chewing it when he is thinking.

6) Shit. To us, bodily waste. To you, practically everything as far as I could figure, good or bad (and you certainly don't want us to touch yours ...)

7) Fanny. To us the front bottom; to you the back one. In Britain, the fanny pack is known as a bum bag for obvious reasons ...

8) Muffler. To us what you call a muffler is called a silencer. In the UK a muffler is a long scarf a la Dickensian Novels. A muffler was also a derogatory name for a certain part of the female anatomy at my school, though this was probably unique to us. Try explaining THAT to a upstanding American when you are standing at the petrol (gas) station in fits of laughter ...

9) Pavement. Sidewalk to you. I couldn't think of anything smutty to go with this.

10) Pissed. To you it's quite legal to be pissed in a car in a traffic jam. In fact, in large cities sometimes you cannot help it. For us, it means that you have been over doing it 'down the boozer' (pub) and a kindly policeman will shortly flag you down and arrest you.

11) Shag. To you a dance. To us sexual congress. In other words you may have to summon up the courage to have a shag with someone, before you might have a shag with them later on. Also a sea bird similar to a cormorant and a type of rough tobacco.

12) Fancy. To be sexually attracted to or to desire. Also a tea cake.

13) Ass. To us a quadraped of the horse family or a stupid person. The word you guys are looking for in English english is 'arse'.

14) Sneakers. We call these 'trainers' for some reason.

15) Waistcoat. You call them vests.

16) Football. A classic example of our culture gap. To us football is what you call soccer. To you football is what we call pointless. You probably think the same way about cricket ...

17) Baseball. In England we play a game called 'Rounders' which has identical rules bar the bat being a short baton designed to be used with only one hand. It's only played in schools. In the US, it's a PROPER game ...

18) Some Food Differences:

[US] = [UK]
Zucchini = Courgette
Milky Way = Mars bar
Three Musketeers = Milky Way
Starburst = Opal Fruits
French Fries = Chips
Chips = Crisps

19) 'Knock You Up'. In our country, to wake someone up in the morning so they won't be late. Slightly different meaning for our American cousins ...

20) Pastie. A pastie is a meat and potato pastry that originates from Cornwall, UK. In the guidebook I had for Michigan, it mentioned that some Cornish tin miners had come over and brought over the recipe with them when they settled the Upper Peninsula. Even so, I had to taken aside and carefully told what an American pastie was so I wouldn't embarrass parents in front of children at the summer camp I was working at when I was talking about my liking for Cornish Pasties ...

21) Knackered. I'm not sure if you have this word in the US. When I said I was knackered I got puzzled looks. It means you are tired. It comes from the fact that horses are often tired when they have testes removed (their knackers) when they are castrated. (Sorry! I guess you didn't want to know that ...)

22) Fag. (Oh no not again!) When at a public (i.e. private - confused you will be) school in the UK, you may have to 'fag' for an older boy. This usually involves shining shoes, cleaning up and performing other favours for this older lad. In return for fagging, the older boy looks after your interests and makes sure that you fit into the school and promote the school spirit (bon vivre, not necessarily the alcoholic kind). This may also be a fag (i.e. a tiresome thing).

23) Trunk. In the US what we in the UK call the boot of a car. In the UK, the trunk is the front end of an elephant. Can be embarrassing if you happen to be a pachyderm working as a taxi driver in NY. (Also a large metal and wooden box much beloved of Edwardian travellers).

24) Spunk. In the US it is perfectly acceptable for a boss to ask whether you are feeling full of spunk of a morning (i.e. full of get up and go.) This situation in the UK may only arise when a director is quizzing a male actor in the adult entertainment business.

25) Woody. In the UK, an acceptable description of a wine that has taken on the flavour of the barrels it has matured in. In the US *never* go to a wine tasting and claim that this wonderful Californian Chardonnay has an excellent 'woody' flavour, unless you are the female co-star of the aforementioned male actor and you are in the process of filming an 'arty' movie.

26) Hood. To our American cousins, the bit of a car that the engine sits under or place where you might live if you are a rapper. To us Brits, the part of a coat that is designed to cover your head when it rains. What you call the 'hood' we call the 'bonnet' on a car.

27) Gas. To the citizens of the United Kingdom, an instrument of warfare, the stuff that you use to cook your dinner on or a state of matter that is neither liquid nor solid. To you guys, what we call petrol and the gaseous by product of bottom burps (wind).

28) Pecker. To keep one's pecker up is a state of mind in the UK, an athletic feat in the US and a way of life for the common or garden woodpecker.

29) Toilets. Although we have a lot of colourful euphenisms for the lavatory experience in the UK (e.g. spend a penny, watering the daisies) we lack the prissiness of our American chums. To us a toilet is a bog, a kharzi, a shithouse (or alternatively an outhouse in more polite company), a gents/ladies but mostly a toilet. It is perfectly acceptable to be in the Ritz and request to use the toilet. However, you guys seem ashamed of the t-word. Hence you go to the John (where no-one called John is there) and the bathroom (where there is no bath). ... And a word of warning for English chaps in the US -- never admit to eating baked beans out of the can.

30) Beer. What you call beer, we call lager. What we call beer, you call disgusting. This might be mutual.

31) Hard. In the UK, you might see an unshaven tattooed uncouth man with big muscles in a pub. If you accidentally spill his beer, he might get upset and request you to join him outside. He might say `Come on then if you think you're hard enough!' Or even 'I'm hard, me, so you better watch your step, mate.' He is not casting aspersions on your sexual persuasion, nor does he have an erection. He is merely stating the fact that unless you buy him another pint of lager in the very immediate future he might beat seven shades of shit out of you. In the US, our friend the male actor would probably say 'I'm hard' while sharing a bottle of woody flavoured chardonnay with his co-star ...

32) Flummoxed. Our US chums will be flummoxed if you use this word. It means to be confused. The typical reaction of the average Brit upon arriving in the US. Then again you might be 'hit for six' (i.e. upset to the point of falling over) by it all. Which just isn't cricket, eh chaps?

33) Roundabout. Imagine you are travelling in the UK along the M3 into Basingstoke (why I can't imagine -- it's a God forsaken place.) You have already worked out that a motorway is the same as a freeway and you are feeling pretty pleased with yourself. In front of you is the biggest rotary you have ever seen. In the UK, we call them roundabouts. To instill a morbid fear of these things in our children we force them to play on minature versions of them in playgrounds (wooden disk that turns around with bars to hold onto) and make them watch endless re-runs of the Magic Roundabout. This program was originally a french satire on politics in the late 1960s though it looks just like a animated kiddies show made by someone on SERIOUS acid. Sugar cube eating dogs indeed.

34) Cookies. You eat these with milk and with great self control you only eat two at a time (you don't? naughty!). We call them biscuits. You call biscuits those dry crackery things that might go in soup (or at least in the part of the US I went to).

35) Stuffed. To be full up after eating too many cookies. Also 'Get Stuffed' a cookery program for insomniac students and people on a low income, where you are told how to make fancy versions of beans on toast using everyday ingredients like baked beans, bread, butter and curry powder. The recipies are invariably called things like 'Currybeanytoasty-yum-yum-a-go-go'. As well, 'get stuffed' is something you say to someone who isn't your best mate.

36) Randy. In the US a perfectly reasonable first name. Pity then, the multitude of poor Americans given this unfortunate appellation when they come over to old Blighty. Wherever they go, grimy street urchins snigger, little old ladies try desperately to stifle guffaws and ordinarily quite sensible members of society burst out in laughter. And why? In the UK, saying 'Hi, I'm Randy!' is akin to saying to our American cousins 'Hello friend, I'm feeling horny.' However, save your pity for poor soul Randy Highman who introduced himself to my supervisor at a conference not so long ago ...

37) Aluminium. Over here we say 'al-u-min-i-um'. You say 'aloom-i-num'. Neither nation can spell the word ... (Aluminiumiumium?)

38) Kip. In the UK to have a sleep or a nap. A kip house is apparently a brothel. Being young and innocent I was unaware of this ...

39) English Swear Words. Our chums across the Atlantic should be warned about the following. If some English bloke comes up to you and uses one or more of them when addressing you, please be careful. He may not be friendly ...

i) Wanker. A charming little word that implies that the addresser is accusing the addressee of onanism. Usually accompanied by the coital f-word and the oedipal compound-noun. The addresser may also raise his right hand and portray a chillingly accurate portrayal of the act in question ...

ii) Bollocks. The round male dangly bits. Also, saying 'the dog's bollocks' is akin to stating 'this is the shit' in the US. Not to be confused in agricultural circles with 'bullocks' which are bull shaped and go 'moo!'.

iii) Nancy Boy. A male who may express either a sexual preference for his own gender or acts in a less than masculine way.

iv) Spanner. Not only a component of every good mechanic's toolbox (see below) but also someone not overly blessed with intelligence or savoir faire. A geek, nerd, dork or a dweeb in other words.

v) Tosser. See 'wanker' and then use your imagination ... Also tosspot.

vi) Slag. A woman of uncertain worth and reliability. Also used in English 1970s police shows (e.g. The Sweeney) when describing a notorious criminal. (e.g. Dosser Jenkins? That slaaaaag!). Originally used to describe a by-product of the (now sadly nearly defunct) coal mining industry.

vii) Wanger. Many a Saturday night I have heard this word being shouted by rival groups of young men at each other. The dulcit cries of 'Oi Wanger!!' have disturbed the peace of many a town centre. It is a word used to either describe a penis or an attempt by the alcoholically challenged to say 'wanker'.

viii) Plonker. Another willy euphenism. Immortalised in the TV program 'Only Fools and Horses', starring David Jason & Nicholas Lyndhurst -- 'You plonker Rodney!'.

ix) Naff off. Go away. As used by the Princess Royal, Princess Anne. For a while she was known as the 'Naff Off Princess' in the tabloid press.

x) Wazzock. A fool or idiot.
Strange Fact: British males often use wanker, bastard, tosser, plonker etc as terms of endearment.

40) Cars. In the UK, only the luxury car market have automatic transmission -- in other words the Jaguars, Rolls Royces and Bentleys of the world. Most cars have manual transmission. This is because our roads aren't straight. As a consequence all learner drivers have to learn how to drive using a car with manual gears. I was told that in the States this is referred to as 'learning how to drive stick.' In the UK, asking your driving instructor whether he could teach you how to drive stick may cause potential embarrassment ...

41) Blowjob. Blowjob, although a word in common use now in both our countries, was referred to as 'Plating' before the GIs came over during WWII. Hence the calling card of Cynthia Plaster-Caster, the woman who made plaster casts of the erect willies of Jimi Hendrix and the Dave Clark Five, amongst others, had 'Your plater or mine?' on her calling cards ...

42) Jelly & Jam. In the UK, jelly is either the stuff you US-types call jello or a seedless preserve made from fruit, sugar and pectin. To confuse things further, fruit preserves are generically called jam over here too. Hence, if you were in an English restaurant enjoying a piece of bread with peanut butter and fruit preserve on it you would be eating 'a peanut butter and jam sandwich.' BTW, I used to enjoy peanut and jelly sandwiches when I was little in the UK sense of the word ... Sloppy, but very nice.

43) Stones. To you big rock things that geologists play with. To us also a unit of weight. 1 stone is equal to 14 pounds. Also, English pints show remarkable value for money compared to their US conterparts -- 567ml compared to 430ml. Good thing to know when ordering beer.

44) Cheeky. In the UK to say someone is 'cheeky' is to imply that they are awnry or suggestively rude. Much beloved of the 'Carry On' Movies which starred Barbara Winsor and Sid James. Typical dialogue:
SJ: You don't get many of those to the pound! (Referring to BW's ample cleavage)
BW: Ooohhh! Cheeky!
SJ: Phoooarrr! I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers!
BW: Ooohhh! You are awful! (for a bit of variety ...)
SJ: Loveliest pair of ... eyes I ever saw!
BW: Ooohhh! Cheeky!
and so on ad nauseum ...

45) Khaki. In the UK a light beige colour. In US khaki can also be green when referring to army fatigues which are generically known as 'khaki'.

46) Knickers. A similar problem to 'pants' (cv). In the US they are knee-length trousers like what the Brits call 'breeches'. In the UK, they are the things that go underneath. Typically British men wear pants under their trousers and women wear knickers, unless of course, you are a Tory (Conservative) MP and then anything goes ... Also NORWICH was an acronym used by service personel during WWII for '(k)Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home'. To be on the safe side when visiting the doctors it's best to keep your pants/knickers on ...

47) Wellies. In the UK a type of waterproof rubberised boot named after that Great Englishman, the Duke Of Wellington. You guys in the US would call them 'gumboots' or 'galoshes'. In the UK wellies are much beloved of Tory MPs with large country estates and farmer-types with sheep, particularly the 'Hunter' welly with the handy straps on the side.

48) Warm Clothing. In the UK we wear warm woolly upper garments during the winter which we call 'jumpers'. You call them 'sweaters'. Boring but true. Also a long woolly dress is called a 'jumper' in the US. I suppose both nations have the joke:
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sweater?
A woolly jumper.
Groan. Somebody carbon date that joke please ...

49) Spanner. You see that long metal object in your tool kit that you use to adjust bolts on your car? We call that a spanner, not a wrench.

50) Slash. In the US a line denoting a separation on the written page or on a computer, or even a rip or tear in a piece of material. In the UK also a euphenism for a wee, a jimmy riddle or urination. Also the name of a rather well known guitarist who was born in England and hence should have thought a little harder before choosing his 'nom de rock'n'roooolll, man'.

51) Liberal. In the US someone who has enlightened and progressive views on abortion, welfare, health care, racial and sexual issues, and sympathsizes with the needs of those less fortunate than themselves. Or at least that's what they say. Republicans probably wouldn't agree with this statement ... In the UK, someone is neither left wing nor right wing but somewhere in between. In both countries, 'liberal' can be used as an insult and a compliment. Although most Americans liberals would probably balk at the idea, in the UK they might be considered to be socialists. (Shock! Horror!)

52) Snogging. You know that thing you do when you are with your loved one when you tickle each others tonsils? In the UK that's called snogging. Much beloved of kids at school discos in between swigging illicit bottles of vodka and Special Brew beer and 'getting on down' to Take That (screaaaaammmmm!) (popular beat combo in the UK much admired by girlies).

53) Git. An undesirable and miserable person. Between 'sod' and 'bastard' on the 'are you going to get your head kicked in?' scale.

54) Jock. In the US, big guys who like sport, women and acting macho. In the UK, a Scottish person who probably also likes sport, women and acting macho but in a Glaswegian (i.e. from Glasgow) accent. Which is probably more scary since a lot of people have difficulty understanding them ...

55) Lemonade. In the US, non-fizzy fruit drink possibly made from lemons that we Brits call 'squash'. Our 'lemonade' is fizzy, akin to your pop or soda (depending on what part of the US you are from.) I was most disappointed when I found this out for the first time in a US cinema...

56) Crossing The Road. In the UK we love our cute fluffy and feathery friends. So much in fact that we name our road crossings after them. We have pedestrian walkways that have broad black & white stripes (like on the cover of 'Abbey Road' by the Beatles) which we call 'Zebra Crossings'. We also have crossings akin to yours with the 'walk/don't walk' signs on them which have a little red man standing still and a little green man walking. These are illuminated when you are supposed to stay where you are or walk respectively. For some inexplicable reason this is called a 'pelican crossing'. As for the little green man flashing ...

57) Hotels. In the UK the floors in a hotel are numbered ground floor, first floor, second floor etc. In other words the first floor is the second floor, the second is the third and so on and so on. In the US, you have a more sensible numbering system. A good thing to note if you are a US bell-boy(UK)/bell-hop(US) looking for Take That's (screaaaaammmmm!) suite on the eighth floor in a UK hotel. (BTW Just follow the detritus of fluffy toys and soggy knickers (cv) ...)

58) Waste Disposal. In the UK our household waste is called 'rubbish' and is taken away by the dustmen or bin men in their dustcart. In the US you have two types of household waste -- garbage and trash. Also, you see that piece of street furniture into which you are supposed to put the packaging from your lunch? We call them bins; you call then trash cans. I was sooo confused about this.

59) Merchant Banker. On both sides of the Atlantic an honourable and decent profession. In the UK, cockney rhyming slang for an onanist (see 'wanker'). Possibly apt.

60) Buying A Drink. Those establishments where you buy alcohol late at night where you are not allowed to drink it on the premises are called Off Licences (or Offies) in the UK and Liquor Stores in the US. I'm over 21 and was repeatedly carded(US)/id'ed(UK) when I tried to buy beer (this was before I tried American beer). I thought that a British Passport was good enough ID for a liquor store since it got me in the country, but no, I needed an in-state driver's licence. Hellooo? I'm a tourist with a British Passport and an English accent who is wearing a t-shirt with UK tour dates on the back. Don't you think I *might* be the genuine article? (Sorry. The incident still annoys me.)

61) Please And Sorry. In the UK, no sentence is complete with either or even both of these words. In the US, the former is said begrudgedly and 'What's the name of your lawyer?' is said instead of the latter.

62) English. We speak English in the UK. So do you in the US. But yet we don't speak the same language ...

63) Women's Things. Pads = US. Towels = UK. Tampons = everywhere. Do you have the ones with wings too? Do you have a patronising Clare Rayner-type who does the advert?

64) Crusty. In the US the state of a bread roll when it is freshly baked and smelling yummy. In the UK, as well as this, a person of possibly no real fixed abode who engages in an alternative lifestyle involving travelling around the country, wearing 'alternative' clothes (ex-army or hippie gear), having a pragmatic attitude to drugs and has possibly dubious personal hygiene. They would rather be called 'Travellers' and I admire them for their stance against 'straight' society. (oooh a bit of politics there ...)

65) Bum. In the UK, the definition of 'buns' (cv) describes more than adequately the biggest muscle in the body. In the US, a person whom we would call a tramp. Also the act of being a bum. I have been reliably informed that Take That (screaaaaammmmm!) have cute bums but only one (the scruffy git (cv) with the dreadlocks) actually looks like one ...

66) North/South Divide. Ask anyone from the north of England where the North ends and the South begins, they might say 'Worksop' is the dividing line. Ask anyone from the south and they might say 'north of Oxfordshire' or even 'north of London'. These definitions differ by well over 100 hundred miles! In the north the people have cloth caps, whippets (racing dogs, not aerosol cans of whipped cream!), keep pigeons, speak in a funny way and drink bitter in grim working mens clubs. In the south, the people are either country yokels who speak in a funny way, or people with loads of money who speak like the Queen or brash Cockneys who speak in funny way while engaged in dealings of a dubious nature and drinking lager. That is, if you believe the stereotypes as portrayed in the media. It is all utter bollocks (cv).

67) Pardon. As I said before, being sorry is all part of being English. We apologise for things that aren't our fault again and again and again. I am convinced that the first word that an English baby learns to say after 'Mama' and 'Dada' is 'sorry'. Anyway, 'pardon me' is a polite way of excusing your way through a crowd or excusing yourself or if your bodily functions betray you in public. The US equivalent, 'excuse me' only seems to be used in a sarcastic way, i.e. 'Well excuuuuuse me!' while exchanging lawyers' telephone numbers.

68) Lorry. A UK truck. A word used in the tongue twister 'Red Lorry Yellow Lorry' by parents to torture their kids. Try it. You'll hate me for it.

69) Irony. Along with sarcasm, the basis of English humour. Totally lost on most of our American chums. Saying '... NOT!' is not sarcasm.

70) Easy. When an English girl says 'I'm easy' she is not saying 'Please sleep with me.' She is saying 'I don't mind what we do.' Then again in the presence of Take That (screaaaaammmmm!) who knows?

71) Bonk. In a similar vein, to bonk someone in the UK is to enjoy sexual congress with them. It also means to hit someone, usually on the head. The two might be related if you like that sort of thing ...

72) Rumpty. The latest word coined by the British Tabloid Press for fun stuff in the dark. Obviously they got bored with bonking... Anyway, a typical sex scandal headline in the Sun (infamous tabloid paper owned by Rupert Murdock) would read 'Robbie-ex-from-Take-That (screaaaaammmmm!) caught in four in bed rumpty with Divine Brown, OJ and some ugly Tory Minister who will shortly be resigning' ...

73) Suspenders. In the UK those things that women hold their stockings up with. You call them garters. Confusingly, when I was in Cub Scouts, the things with the tags on them you used to hold your socks up were called garters too. These were instruments of torture -- ideal for pinging and causing yelps of pain during prayer on church parade services. Some children are sooo cruel. Anyway, what you call suspenders we call braces.

74) Aubergine. Frankly foul purple vegetable used in moussaka. You call them eggplants.

75) Dinky. In the US something that is small or poorly made. In the UK something small and cute. I'm not sure if you had Dinky Cars in the US, but these toy cars are now worth a fortune over here. And I gave all mine away too (sob!) ...

76) Table. Imagine you are in a boardroom. The chairperkin (note dubious PC nomenclature) says 'I reckon we should table the motion about the McBigcorp account'. If you were American you would think 'Gee, I guess we can forget about that for a while' -- i.e. the motion has been postponed. If you were English, you would think 'Jolly good show old bean! I fancied (cv) talking about that one!', i.e. the motion has been brought up for discussion. How do people in trans-atlantic companies cope?

77) Twat. In the US, calling someone a twat is unwise since you are accusing them of resembling a part of the female anatomy. In the UK, a mild insult meaning 'idiot' much beloved of school children who might get into trouble with naughtier words.

78) Swank. In both countries to be 'swanky' implies that you are showy and vulgar, or to say that something is 'swanky' could also mean that it is posh or expensive. Comic book characters (e.g. those in UK comics The Beano and Whizzer & Chips) are often seen going into the 'Hotel de Swank' after getting money for some good turn, where they promptly blow it all on a plate of mashed potato with sausages sticking out of it. I have never seen such a delicacy on offer in the hotels I have been in, much to my disappointment. Anyway, I have also been reliably informed that 'Swank' is also the name of a US DIY magazine populated by young women who have great difficulty keeping their clothes on or their legs together. They also wear high heels in bed. Weird. I have a theory about how the magazine got named. The editor was wandering around Soho, London (the red light district) one day when he heard a Londoner shout 'S' wank innit?' (It is a wank(cv) isn't it). Thinking, 'Aha -- I'm au fait with English slang: hence 'Swank' would be a great name for a porno mag' he toddled off back to the US and created said magazine. Unfortunately, in this context the Londoner was probably referring to his job being pointless ...

79) Potty. In both countries 'potty' is that little plastic seat that kids are forced to use when they need to expel bodily waste when they are too big for nappies(UK) / diapers(US). Americans take the meaning of this word into adult life unchanged. English chaps use 'potty' to describe someone who is a bit silly, dolalley or, to be frank, mad. After watching the film 'The Madness of King George', I can see how the two meanings might have a common ancestry ...

80) Bloody. You guys might describe an item covered in blood as 'bloody'. So might we. 'Bloody' is also a mild English swear word which is always used in cheesy programs made by Americans about the UK. Hardly anyone over here uses it anymore. Similarly, the word 'bleeding'. We use 'fuck' just as much as you guys, the big difference being that we can use it on network television after 9pm in a non-gratutious way, whereas you can only shout 'fuck' in the privacy of your own home. So there.

81) Grass. You can walk on it and you could smoke it (if it wasn't illegal). In the UK you can also do it as well. To grass on someone means to tell on them, usually to an authority figure like a policeman or a teacher. Someone who tells on a lot of people is known as a 'supergrass' -- most often used when describing IRA informers who do the dirty on their Republican chums. Also 'Supergrass' is the name of a pop combo who are rather more popular over here than they are in the US. Whether they named themselves after this definition or one more akin to why Green Day are called 'Green Day' is uncertain ...

82) Policemen. UK policemen are unarmed. As a consequence I feel safer over here than I did in the US. Anyway, the following are used to describe policemen: bobbies, peelers, filth, cops, pigs, the old Bill (or the Bill), rozzers, coppers, a plod or perhaps 'bastards' if you are feeling lucky. I'm not sure how many of those you guys might use. Imagine you are a tea leaf (thief) and you spot a car in good nick (reasonable condition) so you decide to nick (steal) it. Along comes PC (Police Constable) Plod, puts his hand on your shoulder and says 'You're nicked mate!' even though he isn't your friend and he probably isn't wielding a knife. This is your cue to say 'It's a fair cop! You got me banged to rights and make no mistake. You'll find the rest of the swag (ill gotten gains) in the sack!' if you are stupid or 'I aint done nuffink copper!' if you are aren't.

[Note: Some UK policemen started carrying sidearms in October 2000, and by now enough policemen in London carry guns to have resulted in at least one mistaken fatal shooting. Yet there is no question that the general level of UK city violence has escalated, if still to nowhere near United States levels. The debate continues.]

83) Crime And Punishment. If you had 'been a naughty boy' and taken to court, you may find yourself confronted by a 'beak' (a magistrate), who might send you down for some time 'at her Majesty's Pleasure'. You would go to gaol (or jail), or 'nick' as it is sometimes confusingly called.

84) Banger. Three meanings in the UK: a sausage, an old car well past its prime and a small firework that makes a loud noise. If you were repulsed by the idea of eating a faggot (cv), the British banger would really make your stomach turn since it makes even a Taco Bell meal look like it contains high quality meat. The Tabloid press seem to think that the European Economic Community (the UK is a rather reluctant member) wants to ban the British Banger. WRONG! They just want to reduce the breadcrumb, eyes and goolies (male genitals) content and put meat in instead ...

85) Conk. A nose. Also conkers is a game were small children thread horsechest nuts to lengths of string and hit the nuts together. The first nut to break is the loser. A conker that beats many conkers is known as a 'bully', as in a 'bully-niner' is a conker that has beaten nine other conkers. It has probably been soaked in vinegar, baked in an oven or scooped out and filled with concrete. If such a conker hit you on the conk you would know all about it.

86) Soldiers. On both sides of the Atlantic, members of the military who run around shooting things while wearing khaki (cv). Also in the UK, soldiers are pieces of buttered toast or bread that you dip in your soft boiled egg at breakfast. Yum!

87) Half Inch. To you, half an inch or 1.27cm. To us, to borrow without asking first. The likely activity of a Tea Leaf (cv) in other words.

88) Cock. There are four obvious meanings that are common to both the English and the Americans. A willy (penis), a male bird, to ready a gun and to knock or place something off centre. In England there is a fifth. If a person says 'Ello cock!' they are greeting you as a close personal friend. The first meaning may also apply if you are a very close personal friend and the third may apply if the first makes its unwanted presence known in an unsuitable situation ...

89) Squash. To you a vegetable. To us a fruit drink similar to US lemonade. Also called 'cordial', though how friendly a bottle of orange squash can be is open to debate.

90) Mug. There are many meanings to this word, e.g. a vessel to contain your 'cuppa' (cup of tea). In the UK, a mug is a fool or an idiot and to mug up is to learn. In the US a mug is a thug or a hoodlum (shortened version of mugger I suppose). In other words, you better mug up on how not to be a mug before you are mugged by a mug.

91) Drug slang. In the UK we have some great rock festivals like Reading, Phoenix and Glastonbury (yeah!). You guys have Lollapalooza (okay) and Woodstock (wasn't the second one a dodo or what?). Anyway, we have some drug slang which you might hear if you were into such things at these events (not that I'm condoning them but ...)
Vera Lynns (or Veras): skins or tobacco papers (named after a WWII singer.)
Mandies: Mandy Smiths (very young ex wife of ex Rolling Stone Bill Wyman) or spliffs.
Billy Whizz: speed or amphetamine, named after a comic character who could run very fast.
E: ecstacy or MDMA (methylenedioxymethamphetamine). Much hilarity ensues when a contestant on the UK quiz show 'Blockbusters' asks host Bob Holness 'for an e'. Ho ho.
There are many others ...

92) Mean. In the UK to be mean implies you are frugal to the point of being stingy. In the US you might be mean (i.e. aggressive) because of that English guy's inability to get his wallet out and buy you a beer (cv).

93) Autumn. My favourite time of year when the leaves turn orange, red and yellow. You call it 'Fall'. I prefer Autumn.

94) Candy. We call them sweets. Unless they are American confectionary, then we call them candy too. I have met quite a few Americans girls called 'Candy' but never ever an English one called 'Sweets'.

95) Cutlery. The implements you eat with. You guys also call them flatware.

96) Sucker. In both countries a fool or a silly person. Also a piece of candy on the end of a stick that us Brits call a lollipop or a lolly. We also call money 'lolly' too to make things just that little bit more confusing ...

97) Z. The twenty sixth letter of the alphabet. You call it 'Zee'; we call it 'Zed'. A whole generation in England has had to relearn the alphabet after hearing the 'Alphabet song' on Sesame Street. Sadder still, the song doesn't rhyme with the English 'Zed'. At least the 'Numbers song' works (1-2-3-4-5, 6-7-8-9-10, 11-12, do do-do do-do do-do do etc etc ...)

98) Tire. When visiting the garage make sure you know the difference between a UK tire (band of metal placed around the rim of a wheel designed to strengthen it) and a US tire (pneumatic effort called a 'tyre' in the UK). If you make a mistake it could be a very long and bumpy ride home.

99) 99. In the US purely the number before one hundred. In the UK a yummy variety of ice cream consisting of a scoop of vanilla soft-scoop ice cream in wafer cone with a chocolate flake stuck in it. The cone is specially designed to allow the melting ice cream to flow all over your hand before you get to eat it.

100) Centennial. Dull but apt. You call the period lasting a hundred years a centenary.
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